Nonfiction: A question of love...

All right, so in the boredom induced by most of the surrounding area being shutdown by Hurricane Ike, I was browsing through the internet looking at all sorts of random things. I happened upon a site advertised as "The Leading Chinese Matrimonial Service". Now I know what you are saying to yourself, "Trenches! Are you looking at mail-order brides?" Not exactly. The site was a service that provided a way for westerners and Chinese girls to get in touch and possibly create a relationship. You had to buy credits which you used every time you sent a message to or received a message from a girl.

I started discussing this site with my best friend. I asked her opinion and she listed various ways in which this type of things was at the least "skeevy". In many ways I agreed with her, but being the way I am, I had to disagree. Eventually she started using bigger words and better arguments, and since I'm in the Army and have lost much of the intelligence I used to have, I stopped the conversation.

But looking through the site, it raised many questions in my head. Not questions about the legitimacy of this kind of "international dating". Or the sketchiness of guys who'd rather pay to talk to a girl in China then step outside for free and meet girls that way. Or any other questions that could possibly result in judgmental statements made about either side.

It raised questions in my head as to how are we supposed to know where, when and how to look for love? Are we supposed to "work" at it or just let things happen? Am I where I'm at so I can meet "the one" or to meet the wrong ones to help guide me in the future. I know many people, including some close to me, would say don't worry about it and place your faith in God. I have faith in God and try to be a better Christian every day (not that I always succeed). But I also feel that we need to make tough decisions and help ourselves before God or anyone else will.

My past few adventures in the romantic world have not turned out well as you know if you've read my past blogs. In my most recent experience, the girl didn't contact me for 6 weeks and then only messaged me to tell me that I was a "fucking asshole" that should "take the dick out of my mouth before I choked on it". This was for something Iceman said (his ability to piss people off he hasn't met is amazing). So obviously, I'm lacking a little trust and faith in females. I was a nice guy during my interactions with this girl. She doesn't return any correspondence for 6 weeks. BUT... I'm the asshole. Of course.

As my friend pointed out, I can't really say I don't like American girls anymore. Because we are such a heterogeneous population, we're too different to group together in such a large category. But these sites aimed at westerners, trying to hook them up with Asian girls are suspect to. Do the women want love or do they just want to be with a typical Western, financially stable man for a mutually beneficially relationship? I argued that these sites were no different from eHarmony or match.com but I was just being my normal annoying self.

But even through all these questions and obstacles, is it possible to find true and legitimate love through questionable "mediums"? If we play it safe all the time and only do things the "standard" or "normal" way, are we perhaps selling ourselves short and not putting ourselves in a position to find true love and happiness? Or does Hollywood and romantic comedies put it in our heads that we have to go through crazy or weird situations to find "the one"?

This is all making my head spin... perhaps I shouldn't have read that Dr. Phil book today. There's so much material out there written about love, dating and relationships. It's ridiculous. Is our society so fucked up that we need volumes and volumes of bullshit written to help us have simple human interaction? Plus, there is so much conflicting advice, that it seems like no matter what you do or say, you're doing something wrong.

Most advice requires that you know what you're looking for, what you want. I can't even answer that. I have no idea what my "type" is anymore. I argued with my friend that I find the priorities and values and such of Asian girls more appealing than that of American girls. She used the statement "homogeneous culture" in response to mine. Thus, it's easier for me to group together and define the women from China and other places. Even though I think I find some of their values appealing, the reality is that I probably wouldn't be able to seriously relate with them because of a huge gap common experience, interests and other things.

But then again, maybe not. I must admit, I am not as worldly as I wish I was and I do not have a very good knowledge of other cultures. I want to learn and be exposed to other cultures... it's just an issue of lack of opportunity and time. I have no idea how I would get along with people from vastly different cultures than mine. Maybe I'm eliminating a whole section of society that could possibly house a woman that could be a mate. Or perhaps I'm effectively limiting the playing field to allow myself to concentrate and focus on a certain group and thus increase my chances of finding someone within that group.

Wow... this got deeper than I wanted.

Trenches, out.