Could it be true..........

Well, it has been quite some time since I'm updated my blog. I still plan on hitting on some of the topics I promised to cover. But for now, I'll give you a recap of what has happened in the past few weeks. It has been quite hectic, with some very good points and some not so good points.

The field problem I ended off with was, of course, retarded. We wasted a whole lot of time, information was withheld until the last minute and things could have been done in a way that would have made everyone's time much more productive. I pushed the line a few times with disrespect towards LT. Wonder Woman. I know that lots of what she puts out isn't coming from her, but I couldn't completely reigning in my sarcastic tongue the whole time. She told me that I had an "amazing" attitude at one point, so at least I know she can throw the sarcasm right back at me. I felt a little proud of her at that time.

So, the commanding general of 20th Support Command wants to come out to the field and see our training. Of course, me being the Super Golden Boy of 83rd Chemical Battalion, it falls on me to the impress some clueless field grade officer. Yippee. Just what I want to do when I would rather be training my troops. The general arrives and even before I say a word to him, he gives me one of his coins because all the officers in my battalion have been talking me up. I laugh on the inside. It's all so ridiculous.

I bullshit the general for a while, barely talking to him like he's a superior. Than he talks to one of my soldiers, who I strategically placed to do so because this guy can also bullshit like a pro. After a little bit, we finish with the general and he leaves. I overhear him telling the commander that the training looks really good and that we are doing great things. I inwardly curse myself. This only encourages the retards at the top to continue being idiots. I need to stop making these assholes look good.

At the end of the week, we do our BIDS Stakes competition. Because everything in our unit needs to be a competition. Anyways, my team obviously wins... because I'm TSF. I don't really care about the win, but it was pretty impressive considering one member of my team was broke and another was a new private. So suck my balls two times, old 7th chem. At the end of the day formation, we are called out in front of the formation, given a hideous trophy and coins from the general. Yeah, bitches. Two one-star general coins in a week. Imagine what I could do if I actually cared and had pride in my unit???

Ok, so that's that. I won't go into the bullshit about doing recovery and such. Basically, by now you know that things at my unit are done the wrong way, rushed, unorganized and stupidly. I won't always elaborate because I don't like to be redundant and tedious.

Previously, I had been meeting girls on the internet and it hadn't been working out. Around this time, I had basically given up after a particularly ridiculous situation with a Filipina girl. My eHarmony account was still active at this point. I had gotten a package deal around christmas for 3 months. I really hadn't been checking it all that much, I had lost faith and most of the women I was being matched with just weren't doing it for me. The only time I looked at profiles was when a match would request communication with me. So one night I'm at the TSF House and checking my email. I get an email that says "Your new match, Sabrina, requests communication" or something like that. I roll my eyes, thinking its another dud but I check anyways. I open her profile and am totally floored. This girl is gorgeous. I browse through her profile and she seems very interesting. Then I get to the end and her last entry in her profile is that she has 6 tattoos and wants more. I freak out and yell "SHE HAS TATTOOS!" really loud. I think I kinda scared Rojo.

Anyways, I went through the guided communication very fast with this girl, the whole time becoming more and more interested. We sent each other a few emails and things were still great. She gave me her phone number and we began texting. It was fun, easy and flirtatious. Finally, me being a dork, I suggest that we have a phone date. We set it up for a Friday night. The whole day I'm distracted and unfocused. I have a new soldier who is dirty and a can't get right. So myself and SSG Dizzle make this guy take all the stuff out of his room, clean, put it back and give him a good dressing down. This is on Friday and I'm really pissed that he's potentially messing up my phone date.

Fortunately, everything works. I go home, get out of uniform and give Sabrina a call. We instantly click. We talk on the phone for 7 hours. I didn't even realize we talked that long, it was just so easy talking to her. During the conversation, we agree to meet that next weekend.

This makes for the longest week ever. But, I have talked to Sabrina on the phone every night since that first telephone call. I always have something to look forward to. Everything is going fine until my unit decides to tell me on Thursday evening that I'm going to a month long school. I freak because this is gonna mess with my weekend with Sabrina.

I give Sabrina a call and she handles the news great. She's awesome. I guess it's good that the Army started fucking me with this early in our relationship. She is already prepared for the some of the stuff I will go through while I'm still in the service. Well, we work out a way that I can still see her. Her optimism is gonna wear off on me one of these days.

I work out all the details for this month long fighting school I'm going to that Friday and head out to Houston (where Sabrina lives) that day. I am so excited during the drive that I can hardly stand it. I arrive at the Starbucks Sabrina manages that night in my uniform. As soon as I see her, a huge smile appears on my face. She runs into my arms and I pick her up and give her a huge hug. It all felt so right.

So for friday night and Saturday, Sabrina and I just hung out and got to know each other better. There was no awkwardness or anything. It all felt very natural and right. I won't go into all the details, I have to keep some things to myself. We'll just say that I had an incredible time. This girl is truly great.

I'm skipping lots of details but deal with it.

Now Carroll and I are in Fort Benning doing this month long combatives school. Sabrina is on my mind constantly and I can't wait to see her again. I don't want to jinx anything but I feel really good about this one.

I guess that's about it for now. I'll put up some updates on the school later.

Trenches, out.

stupid dog

BK pissed on my bed again...for no reason. After a long walk, he decides to save a little piss for my comforter. So i'm sitting on my bare bed waiting for sheets to be done in the laundry. Retard goofball dog. I love him, but I don't know how he retains so much urine. AARGH!

Going to the field this week...

My company head out to the field next week so I won't be posting anything for a few days, but I wanted to give you a preview of things I will be talking about in the future.

1. A diatribe against the worthless, fat, lazy piece of shit known as SSG Recruiter.

2. Probably more rants about my shitty leadership, in particularly LT Wonder Woman and CPT Oompa Loompa

3. A review of the field problem and what went on without the rants. I'm meeting General Snow of 20th Support Command

4. TSF tattoo updates

5. A piece on Valentine's Day... you probably know what the tone of that will be.. but you never know

6. An incorporation of more pictures and visual aids to the blog. Most people don't have my towering intellect so I'll cater to the lowest common denominator and aid some pretty pictures for those that need it.

7. A generous helping of TSF arrogance and badassitude

8. Part 2 of the difference between me and Iceman (Op2)

9. Some fictional short stories if I get the proper inspiration


I think that's it for now. Been a pretty good weekend. No bad phone calls so no one fucked up. Can't wait for the 4-day next weekend. Sleeping in is one of the few things I look forward to.

TSF Op1-Trenches, out

Ways I've thought of to try to get out of my shit unit....

1. Have Op2 talk me up to his unit and get me an intrapost transfer to 509th... where I would be willing to do any job.

2. Get myself transferred to HHD to do a staff job. I thought SSG Brown asked me if I wanted to work in S1 and I almost needed to put on fresh underwear... she wasn't though.

3. Find out about a new unit being created on post and get myself transferred to it

4. Walk around post, going into every orderly room and headquarters I can find, talking to first sergeants/commanders/sergeant majors, etc. and trying to "sell' myself.

5. Receive a severe enough injury to not fuck up my life, but still warrants me going to the warrior transition battalion

6. Re-upping for the shortest period of time possible and forcing them to send me to 509th (adding time to my service is very undesirable though)

7. Asking CSM Moten to send me to jump school and getting me away from 7th

8. Meeting General Snow, force him to see my TSF awesomeness, and convincing him to get me the fuck away from 7th

9. Same for CSM Womack

10. Same for any Brigade level and up senior leadership

11. Becoming a huge fuck up and getting sent to work at the gym on post


The idea is to get out of the unit, but not extend my time in service. Which is pretty much impossible in my situation. I just want to see the look on the faces of my leadership if I could get out. Especially if somehow got into 509th or a staff job, they would know I'm obviously not doing it for my career and just want to get away from them. I want to see them cry. I want to see the realization in their faces when they figure out that one of their best soldiers despises them and has zero loyalty towards them. I want to see them grovel and try to convice me to stay. I want to laugh in their faces.

This unit better not promote me to Staff Sergeant. If they do, someone should start a pool on how fast I would lost that rank. Because than I would say what I think, knowing that if I got an article 15 and lost rank, I would still be an NCO. Holding my tongue is getting very exhausting.

I really hope that General Snow doesn't ask me what I think about the Army, the unit or my job this coming week. I may not be able to fake it anymore.

That's it for now. I like doing my blogs in a list form. It's my German blood, I guess.

TSF Op1-Trenches, ou.....

Wait a second.

FUCK YOU, OFFICERS. You are not smarter or better than me. In fact, the opposite. I went to a better, harder, more challenging school than you. I got better grades than you. I ran company sized organizations in school. You didn't and get all the schools you want, a house, way too much pay and undeserved respect. I refuse to acknowledge you as superiors until you prove you are not a fucking idiot. I don't give a fuck about Army regs... I will only salute you if I think it's deserved. Otherwise, I'll going on pretending that my phone is extremely interesting.

So fuck you again Officers for looking at my rank and making an instant opinion about my capabilities and intelligence. I could learn your job in a fraction of the time it would take you to learn mine... and I would execute it better.

In garrison, I'll hold my tongue. But when/if I deploy and you're my officer, don't fuck it up. I'll say and do anything it takes to not have to deal with your bullshit. You better be like Lt. Fick. If I have to deal with any Encino Man's and/or Captain Americas, I'm gonna make your world hurt.

Phew.

Had to get that out.

TSF Op1-Trenches, out

Trying to write this while BK bites my hands....

So today I finished up my HazMat course. It was very sad. Two weeks away from the unit went way too fast. It was nice to feel like an adult human again. Just going to school, doing what I needed to do and not be talked to like a bitch by anybody. I guess all good things must come to an end, eh?

Anyways, of course the final test was easy. No problem for Op1. After listening to dumb NCOs stress about stupid easy questions for a while, I tired of acting like i cared and just read my book while waiting ot go back inside to get our results. Besides Jackson (who failed out on Tuesday), I barely talked to or even acknowledged most of the people in the class. I guess it would be acceptable if I was being shy...but honestly, I'm just better and smarter than them and didn't really feel like faking interest in anything they had to say. I'll probably blog this weekend about a couple of the retards that were in the class. They deserve their own entries.

So we get the tests back. 100 percent for Trenches. Of course. The instructor uses my test as a key to go over it with everyone else. I sit in the front and doze. Finally, we're done with everything and the instructor wraps everything up. Some loser asks who had the best average, because shit like that matters. Haha, it's not like there is a Dean's List or anything. Most everything in the Army is pass/fail. Everyone in the class expects it to be a Staff Sergeant who was pretty vocal in class, is intelligent, has accomplished a lot and is a pretty funny guy. Whatever. He's not TSF. So the instructor proceeds to tell the class that this SSG got 100s on the past 3 tests. But he didn't have the top score in the class. Instructor turns and says "SGT Erb had the highest average in the class." The only acknowledgement I make of such a worthless honor is to nod my head once and say in a dismissive tone, "Yep."

I sit in the front of the class but I guarantee everyone looked at me with a "who the fuck is this guy?" look. Honestly, for the past two weeks I slept during lectures, didn't ask any questions, barely acknowledged anyone's presence in the class, was a dismissive and a dick to anyone who asked me for help (it's tough to be helpful when shit is so obviously easy), barely did the homework/practical exercise and also slept during every break. No one even knew what my voice sounded like. At my college, if I did this, I would be at the bottom of the class struggling to pass. Here, I finish at the top.

It doesn't even feel good. It's just sad and depressing how many stupid people there are... and that many of them are leaders in the Army. I feel bad for incoming soldiers because most likely they'll have a semi-retarded idiot as their direct leadership.

Stay tuned for vicious rants about zoomies, fat fuck Staff Sergeants, moron civilians and pussy First Sergeants.

TSF Op1-Trenches, out

What females have done for me in the recent past...

1. Hamsters... two of them

2. Made me the victim of theft

3. Higher cell phone charges from text messages

4. Improved typing skills from online chatting

5. False hope

6. Unnecessary mileage on my car

7. Re-discovery of my mopey emo music from my college days

8. Further support for my burgeoning misogyny

9. Solidified my position as a through and true misanthrope

10. A waste of 30 dollars on an eHarmony account

11. Shattered self-esteem

12. The beginnings of a homicidal rage reflex when I hear the phrase "just friends"

13. Contradicting advice from various people... that never ever fucking works

14. An emotional disposition that compelled the soldiers in my platoon to come to the conclusion that I was the one person in the platoon that should NOT be allowed to own firearms

15. An epiphany that it's most likely that strippers and hookers are the most honest and genuine females on this planet.

16. A realization that I'm unable to create flowerly, sweet, sensitive, romantic pieces of writing... but I am quite skilled at sarcastic, cynical, bitter, angry, self-deprecating, irreverent, self-pitying, self-loathing, hate-inspired diatribes.

17. Absolutely nothing I want or desire.


Yes... I am lashing out. Deal with it.

What the Army has done for me Part 2...

1. Fatigue

2. An increased chance of stress-related medical conditions

3. A dependence on NetFlix to keep me marginally happy

4. Forced me to watch everyone around me progress in life, while I go nowhere

5. An increased insensitivity towards other

6. More reason to believe in the negative stereotypes of certain racial and ethnic groups

7. A propensity to staying up late... to prolong the conscious hours I'm NOT working

8. Nothing that I want or desire